One of the the things I've thought a lot about for the past few months is the eternal nature of our character. How much of who we are now were we before we came to earth? Are we truly capable of becoming anything we want? How much of what we are to become is predestined?
This is just the simple product of my thoughts thus far. Please feel free to comment and leave your own thoughts.
Let's say that I was told by a reliable source that I was loyal prior to my birth, and I like to think that I still am and will always be. Additionally, let's say that I was given a positive disposition as a reward for loyalty, so that wasn't really developed or part of my eternal nature.
That being said, there are many things to be considered. First of all, was that loyalty eternal, or was it developed premortally? "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" states, "In the premortal realm, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshipped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize their divine destiny as heirs of eternal life." This leads me to believe that there was decision, and thus progression prior to earth life. Otherwise, why should I be rewarded for a natural predisposition toward loyalty?
Of course, if that's all true, then we would have all started out as baseless beings with only a desire to do better. But where would the desire have come from? My guess is experience. We found we'd have a more satisfying experience if we developed positive characteristics. For example, one feels much better if they forgive their sister than holding a grudge for the rest of their lives. Which presents the idea that we improved out of pure self-interest. However, I like to think that personal gain is not enough motivation to do the things that will make us the happiest. But love is. Because the feeling of love is a fruit of the action of love, we naturally learned to do good things out of love for others rather than out of love for ourselves...and this really hasn't gone where I initially intended it to, but I'll leave it like this anyway...
Back on track: Gary Saul Morson poses the question, "What if selfhood, like all forms of order and unity, is not discovered, but made?"
All forms of order and unity? Mess is natural. Evil is natural. We have to work to put things away on a shelf. They can diffuse (almost) on their own. Cleanliness is no accident. Morson says, "“Evil happens not because we subconsciously wish it, but simply because we do not pay attention, because we omit to develop the habit of evaluating and correcting “the tiny alterations” of our thoughts moment to moment.” Goodness is no accident. Perhaps personal improvement is like putting our flaws on the shelf of selfhood. (<-- please read that phrase out loud. It makes me smile.) Perhaps selfhood is all our stuff. If it is good (patience, courage, charitability, loyalty, integrity), it's because we've put it on the shelf. If it's bad (or not the best version: impatience, fear, miserliness, disloyalty, fraudulence) it's still on the floor. It's definitely is up to us to become who we want to be, but it will likely require some heavy lifting to get there.
But is selfhood found or discovered, as Morson seems to suggest the popular view is? Are we just realizing our destiny when we've put our stuff on the shelf? We can only reach our full potential, not alter it. However, we can decrease our potential. Elder Richard G. Scott said, "Every decision you make is narrowing your future" (To Acquire Knowledge and the Strength to Use It Wisely Brigham Young University 23 January 2001). So I guess it's a personal goal to narrow my destiny toward the positive destinations.
Now that I've just taken a lap around the the mental track, I'll just say that I'm grateful for the opportunity for personal improvement. Knowing that I've gotten a characteristic onto the edge of the shelf of selfhood is one of the most satisfying things I have ever felt, and makes the long tedious journey worth it.
